So a little back story about me.
I love fear, I love to work through fear, and as a total brag I’m proud to say I’ve conquered many, over the years There is one that I have yet to master , it is multi layered and swirls around me speaking my truth, finding my voice and public speaking.
This is a vulnerable confession , I identify as an total introvert, someone who does not like being the center of attention, who would rather be behind the camera than in front of it. Who would rather listen in conversation, watch from afar than engage, to daydream. I have a massive fear around speaking, And I’ve got a mission to share what I know with the world.
SO this leaves me in an interesting place of contradiction.
It’s been one hell of a challenge so far, how do I share my passions, knowledge and dharma if I’m afraid to speak?? well in my case you keep showing up, falling on your face , picking yourself back up and continuing on, this journey is and will continue to be one of my greatest teachers .
Here is a little timeline of some of my most pivot-able wins
I remember presenting a paper in front of a class in high school, I have a rogue leg that will shake uncontrollably, without my consent when I’m nervous. I remember my leg shaking so strongly, that my whole body shook including the paper I was reading , so much that I could barely read it. And I finished, no one could hear me, and they were all very confused and I couldn’t eat lunch because I needed to wind down first.
I remember my first day on the sales floor a client asking me if something was wrong because my insides were shaking so hard they couldn’t understand what voice was hard to understand. I persisted and later became a top seller
I remember my first day of massage , feeling shaky and dry mouthed and so afraid to speak that I didn’t give home care. I now feel proud to call my self a senior practitioner.
I remember teaching my first yoga class, and literally not sleeping for 3 nights, or eating because my anxiety was so high, and then having a full crying meltdown after class, because no one could hear me. I am now a Yogatherapist
And I remember having a dream that I would be hosting womens circles, and the thought of sitting in a group of women, made me want to puke . And in my first circle , which was in my home with 2 of my close friends, I somehow drank more than 2 liters of water because my mouth was so dry I could barely talk. And I finished .
I can now teach and lead classes without losing sleep. And now for the next phase video, standing in front of a camera makes me hella nervous, I feel all kinds of naked and I’ve been blessed to have people around me to support this latest step into the digital world. I sometimes need to be pushed out of my comfort zone, and Im so happy to have incredible people in my world who want to encourage me to step up and face my fears.
SO here it is , this is me awquardly stepping into and through fear.